So I went to my niece’s soccer game the other day and ran into an old friend who had read about Wear the Cape and immediately spoke of the timely nature of our mission (music to my ears, of course).
Her daughters are at a new school in a nice town. Apparently, for several days during “line up” to come inside the school, one of her daughters has been getting kicked HARD – hard enough to leave a pretty nasty bruise for mom and dad to see.
Why did this kicking and bruising occur, you ask? Well, because her daughter didn’t have any gum to offer to the school bully who has been picking on her.
I felt really sad when I heard this story. I followed up in writing to my friend and sent her some suggested tips to prevent bullying…and I figured why not pass them along to all of you? Even though our mission at Wear the Cape is about promoting kindness and good character in kids, it is Anti-bullying Month, and this stuff does happen. Below are tips and suggestions for those who may be having a hard time.
Advice for your child who is being targeted by a bully or observing another person who may be being bullied:
1) Tell an adult right away (a teacher, a coach, a parent)
2) Don’t let the bully know that you are in fear because that feeds the bully’s power
3) Demonstrate confidence in your body language – your stance, your hand gestures – while clearly telling the bully to STOP (I tell my son to stand like a superhero, and this seemed to work for him on the playground, where he tended to have a pretty tough time last year)
4) If all else fails, get out of a bad situation…just walk away…
*Important: Wear the Cape for another person who might be in trouble with a bully by telling the bully to stop and encouraging the person in need with a pat on the back, a kind word, a high five or a fist bump (these can go a long way!)
Advice for parents of a child being bullied:
1) Alert the school or authorities – someone in charge
2) Stay connected with your child and continue to ask questions and monitor the situation – really listen and notice all the signs and nuances of the conversation such as body language, eye contact, etc.
3) Support and encourage healthy friendships for your child with kids who are respectful and build your child up – go out of your way to facilitate interactions and play time for your child to spend time with the “good ones”
3) Continue to build the child’s confidence and feelings of support – recognize and reinforce the positive, what is going well in the child’s life
We also checked in with a guidance counselor who served as a crisis counselor for kids for more than two decades. Here is the advice that she had FOR TEACHERS:
Many children are afraid to tell an adult – afraid that other children will hear/find out they told. I often suggested that teachers keep a shoebox with a sealed lid that has a slit in it, covered in colorful contac paper in their classrooms. This gives children a way to report bullying privately, before class or after lunch when other students aren’t around.
Our expert noted that this works especially well in upper-elementary and junior high. She also said the child/student reporting the incident should:
1) Tell their name, date, what happened & where
2) List at least 1 or 2 names of witnesses (if they know any), with whom the teacher can follow-up
She emphasized that teachers, along with their Principal, should decide on consequences for bullying, but the child doing the bullying should also have to admit to and own his or her inappropriate behavior and apologize to the victim.
Really hoping that my friend and her daughter have a better week to come! For those of you out there who are also dealing with any number of rough situations in this vein: we are pulling for you! What situations are you and your kids struggling with? How are you handling these situations? We would love to hear from you.
Stay tuned for another post soon-to-come centered on cyberbullying (a burgeoning challenge as many of us know all too well).