Star-Ledger Publishes Guest Article by Leigh Ann about “Online Survival Skills” for Young People

January 13, 2015 Leigh Ann Errico1 Comment

The New Jersey Star-Ledger this week published a guest article by Leigh Ann Errico, founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation. Her piece outlines the new challenges young people face growing up and pursuing their dreams in an everything-online world. Read it on the Star-Ledger‘s website here or below!

Digital footprints can leave permanent scars for young people: Opinion

In this file photo, parents listen to a seminar conducted by Connecticut State Police Sgt. Jim Smith of the state police cyber crimes unit in Windsor Locks, Conn. Teenagers’ increasingly common habit of distributing nude self-portraits electronically — often called “sexting” if it’s done by cell phone — has parents and school administrators worried. And some prosecutors have begun charging teens who send and receive such images with child pornography and other serious felonies. (AP Photo/Jessica Hill, file)

By Star-Ledger Guest Columnist

on January 09, 2015 at 12:00 PM, updated January 09, 2015 at 12:04 PM

By Leigh Ann Errico

A cautionary tale that resembles a nightmare—that’s what the 2014 Sayreville War Memorial High School football team will pass down through generations. For alleged hazing, bullying and sexual assault, the team was forced to forfeit its football season. One student linked to the investigation even lost his scholarship offer from Penn State’s football program. He, no doubt, would take it all back, if he could.

The new year offers a blank slate, but thanks to our frenemy the Internet, some choices of years past are recorded and can bring consequences, again and again. It used to be that if someone had a lapse of judgment growing up, more often than not they could sweep the mistake under the rug and, with time, it would slowly fade away. What young people do today, however, can come back and haunt them. According to a sheriff’s office spokeswoman cited in the New York Times, releasing a minor’s name is the department’s standard practice for a juvenile “charged with a felony or three or more misdemeanors.” Once released, a quick Google search could bring up the name on dozens of sites many years later.

Teens, tweens and ages sandwiching them on each end also often fail to consider that what they type, snap or film and post, send or share could greatly impact their lives. Sex video scandals, for example, are rocking schools across the country. Showing off to the kid in math class or teammates in the locker room, minors are using their cell phones to record sexual acts, usually without both participants’ knowledge. Not only is this beyond-bad judgment inviting charges of unlawful filming, but adolescents themselves are facing child pornography charges. And, most tragic, young victims of this foul crime are being pushed into suicidal mires. As uncomfortable as it may be, share stories like these with teens as a warning. Making the wheels turn in those brains that lack fully-developed frontal lobes just might prevent tragedy.

As a human resources professional, I so often encounter people who think they have a job offer in the bag, but are soon wildly disappointed. These days, a formal background check is just the beginning. For employers, due diligence includes checking social media accounts and doing Google searches on candidates before formal offers are extended.

Because the Internet has been around to record the mistakes of their youth in permanent, digital marker, presenting a clean slate will be even more difficult for millennials and their successors — just ask the team captains of the Sayreville football team in 10 years.

As kids head back to school for second semester, help them prepare for the new jungle out there. Here’s what they need to understand from a young age:

Every day, you choose how to live your life—not only how you conduct yourself as a human being, but also how you treat other people (choose kind). Think of yourself as a brand. You build value in your brand with upstanding behavior. Living a life of good character will pay off in endless ways.

Anything you or others post of you online will be in the public domain and will likely be out there for all to see forever. Think before you press send.

Beware of being filmed unknowingly. Even if you think you are in a setting that is private, don’t assume and be cautious.

There are consequences and penalties for demonstrating questionable character as you age and strive to reach your goals. Don’t let a lapse in judgment get in the way of your hopes and dreams.

Select your friends carefully. If it feels wrong in your gut, it probably is. Channel that good sense of direction and avoid following others down the wrong path. Remember:
Your digital footsteps, in particular, are tracked nearly everywhere you go.

All being said, tell young people that if something should happen to them that is humiliating, there are options for ushering in tomorrow, a new day. With the help of parents, friends and counselors, there is always a path toward healing.

In the past, learning by trial and error was “the hard way,” but today it’s even harder as rumors and incriminating photos spread like wildfire throughout peer groups over the Internet. It is our job to teach the younger generation online survival skills now to minimize the obstacles they encounter as they grow up and pursue their dreams.

Leigh Ann Errico is a certified Leadership Coach and the founder and CEO of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation (www.wearthecapekids.com).

INSTAGRAM: BE AWARE AND BEWARE, PARENTS

September 21, 2014September 19, 2014 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

I am so psyched and proud to introduce you to one of my dearest friends on this planet Maureen “Mo” Chamberlain. Mo and I went to college together, and we’ve loyally supported one another through thick and thin ever since. Check out the pic: Mo Mo is the pretty bride who hasn’t changed a bit – no kidding. And even though I’m jealous that she still looks like she’s 25, I love her with all my heart!
Fast forward 18 years, and Mo is now a dedicated 7^th grade-reading specialist in Weymouth, Massachusetts where she teaches at Chapman Middle School.

Do you remember when you were growing up and you found out about an event or party that you were excluded from? I am sure it might have hurt you when you realized you were passed up, but it probably got easier with time…without immortalizing pictures. Our kiddos today are dealing with a lot of rejection on a daily basis, and so much of it is posted instantly while it is happening in REAL-TIME. Suddenly, the haves and have-nots are born based on what has been posted, all during a time in life when coping skills that best support our psyche have not been fully developed.

In this guest blog, I have invited my “bestie” Maureen to share some suggested guiding principles for our readers to support kids with the social media challenges they face.

With gratitude to Mo and to all of the everyday heroes who support and inspire us to do more!
Leigh Ann

INSTAGRAM: BE AWARE AND BEWARE, PARENTS
by 7th Grade Teacher Maureen Chamberlain

Many things have changed since I grew up in the 70’s. Back in my day, the only way to communicate with friends other than speaking in-person was by calling their families’ house phones or writing notes.

Instagram is supposed to be a fun way to communicate with friends, providing a platform to share photo moments and express oneself without words. Sometimes, however, words are not needed to leave kids feeling left out, depressed, and alone. Having two teens myself, I’ve learned a few things about Instagram that I believe parents should know. I’ve also included etiquette tips below that you can share with your kids.

FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY – “DO I MEASURE UP?”

Instagram, unfortunately, has evolved into somewhat of a popularity contest. What does this mean? Your child may feel inadequate if he or she does not get enough “likes” on pictures posted. In fact, kids monitor how many likes they get in the first hour of posting, and if the picture isn’t getting the “rapid-fire” response they want, they may delete the photo. It can be a blow to their egos and make insecurities rise to the surface.

Social media can cause kids (and, frankly, adults) to feel like their lives aren’t as wonderful as everyone else’s. People often question their own happiness when they log on to Instagram or Facebook. Fabulous pictures and status updates can make us wonder why others’ lives seem much more fun, fancy and interesting. If someone is unhappy or insecure, seemingly perfect photos can exacerbate the issues.

When teens post pics of themselves at a party, it often leaves others feeling like they’re on the outside looking in (even in the cases of a quick trip to the mall or a sporting event with just a few friends). There’s usually someone viewing the Instagram newsfeed who wonders why he or she was not included. Back in the 70’s and 80’s growing up, I wasn’t invited to certain things as a teenager, and I remember the feeling: It hurts. But I didn’t have to stare at the pictures, often times while the event is still going on, to make me feel even worse.

TIPS FOR PARENTS:

Tell young people that their self-worth should not be directly related to the number of likes they get. They need to find their own inner confidence and realize they don’t need over 20, 50 or 100 likes to convince them they’re awesome or beautiful.
Say, “Don’t post a picture so people will like it. Post it because YOU like it.”
Remind your children that most people only post positive images of their lives. Nobody has a perfect life. Most of us don’t air our dirty laundry and tell the world about all the lows we experience; instead just the highs in life are amplified. Talk to kids about how they shouldn’t compare their lives to the “highlight shots” of others. Nothing good can come from comparing.
Talk to your kids about the appropriate use of photo sharing. Explain that perception is half of reality.
PLEASE, repeat yourself again and again about how once a photo is posted, it’s out there forever. It can’t be taken back.
Discuss photos someone else has taken with a phone – or that have been sent to someone else’s phone. Your child no longer has control over the image if it’s in another person’s digital possession.
Conversely, suggest your child ask permission from all included in a photo before posting it.
Finally, encourage that your kids keep their comments positive so Instagram is a place to connect with people in a constructive way. It’s easy to find something nice to say about someone’s picture.

As a parent, I can confidently say that the best way to monitor what’s happening on Instagram is to open an account yourself. Follow your child and his/her friends. Most kids don’t mind. It gives the child one more coveted follower and, of course, more potential “likes”. I guess we’ve gone full circle on this.

Good luck and hope this helps!
Maureen in support of Wear the Cape/kidkind foundation

Digital Detours on the Path to Good Character

December 17, 2013December 18, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

While Wear the Cape strives to focus on the positive, the kind and the good, it’s also important that we share information uncovered during this journey that will help parents as they guide their children on the path to good character. Some topics may not be “feel-good” in nature, but they, nonetheless, are very important – which brings us to what we’d like to shed light on today: sextortion.

Last year a 15-year-old girl named Amanda Todd uploaded a YouTube video revealing (through note cards) her story of personal pain and struggle. It was sextortion – a version of cyberbullying that involves blackmailing others to send explicit photos of themselves – that ultimately led to her tragic, untimely death just weeks later.

Apparently Amanda was pressured into revealing herself sexually over webcam and then blackmailed via social media. A picture of her chest made its way throughout her school and the town in which she lived. “I can never get that photo back” was on loop in Amanda’s mind. Her mistake spiraled out of control into a harrowing experience that led to severe anxiety and depression, as well as subsequent drug and alcohol abuse. Amanda was beaten up by a gang at her Canadian school, and she attempted suicide by drinking bleach, feeling like she had no choice other than to take her own life.

Thousands and thousands of people have now seen Amanda’s video; her mother Carol Todd wants it to be used to help other victimized teens. She told the Vancouver Sun, “I think the video should be shared and used as an anti-bullying tool. That is what my daughter would have wanted.”

SO WHAT CAN WE DO IN LIGHT OF AMANDA’S LEGACY?

Parents: Please listen. These incidents are very real and on the rise, according to the FBI. A child giving into peer pressure to reveal oneself explicitly over text message, in a chat room or by email, for example, can have tragic consequences – and we, as parents, need to talk to our kids to help prevent it. We are by no means claiming to be the experts here, so consult with professional counselors or law enforcement officials as appropriate, but please review the information below. We hope you find it useful.

Sexting and Sextortion: Overview and Tips (source: see ConnectSafely)

Sexting as Sexual Harassment. When someone uses pressure or coercion to obtain nude or sexually explicit photos from another person, it’s usually considered a form of sexual harassment. There are even laws against it in many jurisdictions. Young people need to see the pressure for what it is – inherently disrespectful and abusive. They need to understand that they owe themselves the self-respect that prevents this victimization. We as parents need to help with this education by having conversations with our children and remaining vigilant.

Be Aware of Sextortion. Sextortion generally refers to the crime of extortion involving sex-related digital photos. Extortionists may victimize their prey by demanding money, property, sex, or some other “service” and threatening to harm him or her if the demand isn’t met. When digital photos are involved, the threat is often extreme embarrassment and shame through exposure or distribution of the photos.

Understand Snapchat and Be Cautious. “Snapshot” is a mobile app that lets users share images or videos that disappear after a few seconds. Sounds harmless, right? Not so. Screenshots can actually capture and save the images FOREVER. So here we go: All roads lead back to a record that follows the child for the rest of his or her life. Tell your kids to avoid long-term damage and ill consequences by never sending any photos that they would be embarrassed for anyone to see at any time.

Advice. Parents, here’s how you can help:

1) Sit down and have a face-to-face conversation with your kids about all the harm digital forums can cause if one is not extremely cautious and strong in the face of pressure. It is also crucial to remind our children that what may seem playful or like an innocent joke today could remain with them for the rest of their lives. Say, “Do not let anyone make you do something that in your gut feels wrong or dangerous or fills you up with guilt or anxiety – and don’t be the person doling out the pressure!”

There is nothing more important or effective than letting your children know – often and in various ways – that you are there for them, no matter what. Explain that if bad things happen and they level with you, you will respectfully help them work through it, involving them every step of the way. With loving communication, there is very little that can’t be addressed as a team.

2) Tune in. Know what your child is doing. Monitor his or her activities and whereabouts. In our recent cyberbullying blog, we suggested that you a) have all of your children’s passwords to email and social media sites, b) never allow communications devices to be kept in your child’s room overnight and c) check frequently for content and acceptability.

Keep in mind that young people are often reluctant to tell even trusted adults about sexting or sextortion for any number of reasons; the primary one is fear and confusion about possible outcomes. By reporting a peer, they often feel that they could make their situation much worse.

The more time we spend with our kids, the better chance we have of being looped in on their challenges. Every conversation is an opportunity to share important guidance on becoming men and women of character.

Technology can bring great convenience, but be aware of risks in the equation. Let’s keep our kids safe and on positive paths.