New York Times Letter to the Editor for today’s Sunday Dialogue

October 27, 2013October 27, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

For today’s Sunday Dialogue, The New York Times invited readers to discuss the tone of public discourse in the digital age. The conversation was sparked by a Letter to the Editor on the Rebecca Ann Sedwick cyberbullying tragedy from Mitch Horowitz, author of the forthcoming “One Simple Idea: How Positive Thinking Reshaped Modern Life.”

Here is my Reader Reaction:

To the Editor:

Kindness is free, but it’s become a luxury. In Mitch Horowitz’s October 21^st Letter to the Editor urging that we “Bring Back Civility,” he underscores the importance of parents and teachers monitoring “online chatter”. I want to suggest a word swap, because the connotation of chatter doesn’t begin to reflect the pain and price of the digital damning that’s become as trendy as skinny jeans. Horowitz is right that an uglier and less empathic side of human behavior has been normalized – but why has being cruel become normal?

We are in a race to no place. Fueled by technology – smartphones, tablets, notebooks and sliders – society has accelerated to a pace at which necessary nurturing is neglected. Children need long hugs, long lectures and long timeouts. How is sound character supposed to stick if it’s imparted in a here-and-there, slapped-together kind of way (or not even taught at all)? We must systematically set an example for our kids.

Technology has contributed to values being lost in translation. It’s also given kids a wall to hide behind while they hurl hurt (they’re often doing so because they’re hurting inside themselves). No one wants to learn of another sweet-faced 12-year-old taking his or her own life. So in remembrance of Rebecca Ann Sedwick, here are “10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying”.

Leigh Ann Errico is the founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation, dedicated to restoring the power of kindness and good character.

To read Horowitz’ piece, titled “Bring Back Civility,” and other reader responses, click here. Why do you think civility has plummeted?

10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying

October 24, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

Cy·ber·bul·ly·ing – noun: the electronic posting of mean-spirited messages about a person (as a student) often done anonymously (source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Does a week go by when we don’t hear about these mean-spirited, online messages? As many of you are aware, last month a sweet-faced girl named Rebecca Ann Sedwick committed suicide at just 12 years of age after a year of being terrorized – both physically and via social media – by a ring of 15 girls. We at Wear the Cape are very sad to learn of this horrible tragedy and are praying for the strength of Rebecca’s loved ones.

The rise of social media makes our mission – restoring the power of kindness and good character – all that much more important. I talked with my dear friend in Boston who is both a 7^th grade teacher and a mother of two teens, and she assisted me in pulling together what we see as important, simple tips for all parents. Let’s join together to keep our kids safe from the dangers of the cyber world.

10 Tips to Press Delete on Cyberbullying

1. Keep the home computer in the family room with the screen visible. This way there is no secrecy, and online activities can be monitored. Rethink kids having computers in their own bedrooms.

2. Cellphones should be left charging at night in a “common area.” Children should not go to bed at night with their phones in their possession.

3. Approve all phone “app” purchases and understand their purpose. Many times, weeks or months of bullying take place through these sites before parents are aware of the activity.

4. Parents should check out the age requirements outlined by social media sites (often kids join sites “illegally”, and the content is not age appropriate).

5. Insist on knowing your child’s passwords. It’s for their safety. No exceptions.

6. If your child is being cyberbullied, tell him/her NOT to respond to any negative posts – even if what is being said is mean or untrue. The bully is trying to get a reaction. Don’t stoop to their level.

7. Tell your child to ask for help if he or she is ever feeling threatened. Victims of bullying should always seek out advice from a parent, teacher, coach, counselor, or other trusted adult.

8. Report bullying. Make the school aware of what’s going on, even if it is not school-related. Teachers and coaches can help keep an eye on the situation. The websites and apps serving as platforms for the harassment should be contacted, as well. Involve the authorities as appropriate – there may need to be an investigation.

9. Block the bully (unless there is an investigation with authorities)! Stop communication with a bully as much as possible. Delete them from your “friends” lists and contacts. Block them from sending you emails and/or messages on social media.

10. Never blame yourself. This is the bully’s issue, not the victim’s. Encourage your child and surround them with people who love, support and lift them up. Tell them to be proud of who they are.

Wear the Cape’s BETTER THAN THAT™ bracelets serve as a reminder to you and your kids to do the right thing and not stoop to the level of bullies. For one more week, our BETTER THAN THAT™ bracelets are available at a discount in celebration of anti-bullying month for $4.95 (regular price will be $5.95 starting November 1^st)!

Keep in mind: Bullies try to hurt others, because they’re hurting inside themselves.

Top 10 List: Manners that Carry Us through Life

October 16, 2013 Leigh Ann ErricoLeave a comment

I knew a lady from the Caribbean who said (in her beautiful accent), “Manners carry us through life.” The quote really stuck with me – almost as if manners are the vessel that can make our journey more graceful each day.

I tend to be a real stickler for manners with my kids, because using good manners is a way of showing respect to everyone around us. I see so many adults who grew up and seem to have missed the proverbial boat on manners and common courtesies (I guess I have developed some kind of fear that my kids will become super rude and therefore contribute to the erosion of grace in our society). So many of you wrote to us when we launched Wear the Cape one month ago and cited the importance of manners as part of our mission, observing that this value seems to have fallen by the wayside.

I think parents need to remember that it is our job to be a constant force here. We need to demonstrate and showcase our own top-notch manners.

I toe the line with my crew of four, so much so that my older brothers often make fun of me saying I’m a bit over-the-top (I admit; I’m relentless in this regard). About a year ago, I started unofficially researching other parents who seem to be great role models for me to aspire towards in terms of how they keep their kids on track in the manners department. Here is the Top 10 list of what I’ve learned (I know you’ve gotta love lists and bullets as much as I do, so here goes):

Top 10 Manners for “Wear the Cape” Kids

1) Say “please” and “thank you”…THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE.

2) Give a proper handshake when greeting people, especially adults.

3) Show gratitude, particularly when receiving a gift. Follow-up Thank You notes are preferred and can be facilitated by parents when kids are too young to write one on their own. Drawing a Thank You picture is also a great little craft project to keep in mind while teaching the value of gratitude. But remember: showing gratitude is an ongoing, everyday act.

4) Hold the door open for others whenever the opportunity presents itself, and say “thank you” when the door is held for you.

5) If you cannot say something nice about someone or something, do not say anything at all.

6) When you sneeze, do so into your bent elbow (you know…the new way!).

7) At the table, chew quietly, use utensils and put the napkin on your lap.

8) Don’t interrupt, but if you must, say “excuse me.”

9) When departing from a place where you were hosted, such as a birthday party, thank the host/parents for having you.

10) Offer to share your things (toys, supplies, etc.) whenever you have the chance.

Tell us: Do you have a value or key manner that you try to instill in your kids? We would love to hear about it.