Lock Lessons from Loss in Your Heart

Uncle Pete
Uncle Pete

My CRAZY Uncle Pete died this past week and was laid to rest. He really was nuts, but I mean that in a wholeheartedly loving way. He always made people laugh and never took life too seriously. How I wish we could have one more conversation with Uncle Pete, one more laugh, one more boat ride on a quiet lake to go fishing, one more Christmas Eve tradition– hootin’ and hollerin’ over our whacky Secret Santa game. We will all miss him so much.

As my Aunt said to me over the weekend, “Life is for the living.” So why would I waste blog space to selfishly talk about my sadness and seek sympathy for my family? Well, because perhaps there are rich lessons veiled in my reflection that we can impart to our children as we struggle with grief (sprinkled with regret) from losing a loved one.

I felt like the one silver lining in losing Crazy Uncle Pete was it rebooted me big time on what matters with our “lives for the living” and with our next generation in this world:

  •  Family and extended family really matter – and taking the time to see each other really does give us strength. Family is “going home” to reconnect with our roots. Are we doing enough to let our children know about their heritage?
  • Friendship is pure gold. A friend who comforts you in your dark storm is a friend to treasure. Are we doing what we can to be that friend to those who are struggling? We tend to be super supportive during loss, funerals – we are good friends, good daughters, good sisters, good cousins….but what can we do every day to have that same drive to support and show kindness to our friends?
  • There are so many random acts of kindness swirling around us during a grief-stricken time…so many people who do favors without the hunt for a gain. I ask myself, why can’t we all be in this mode as a common practice? And how would that change the landscape of our culture? Fun to dream of that better way.
  • At times of grief and loss, there is so much civility, such good manners, exhibited in abundance. How can we keep that vibe alive in our society on happy occasions, too, and on hurried weekdays when we are all out there dashing through the race of life?
  • When we suffer loss, many of us take stock in how we are spending our time each day, assessing what is and is not serving us well. Is there a way we can do self-regulation more regularly? Our most cherished possessions are the memories we’ve made with our dear friends, our family, and especially our children during their fragile and magical formative years.

So, my dear Uncle Pete: May you rest in peace. And thank you, Uncle, for the lessons this week; they are locked in my heart just like the memory of that day, long ago, floating in a little boat on Cape Cod.

Choose Kind,
Leigh Ann

Uncle Pete and Mom in Their Younger Days
Uncle Pete and Mom in Their Younger Days
Forever in My Heart
Forever in My Heart

Fair, Fun and Kind at 5 Years Old…or 35 Years Old

Guest blog iconWith twin daughters in preschool, we are never at a shortage of dinner conversation.  It’s at this time that I try to dig a little bit about what’s REALLY going on at school.  What are the best moments and the worst?  Who is making them laugh and cry?  When do they feel their bravest and their most scared?  The things I feel that I should know as their mom.  The things I know are sometimes hard to identify in myself.
This year, at almost 5 years old, they are beginning to see, for the first time, a line between boys and girls.  It started innocently enough.  They said they didn’t like it “because it’s a GIRLS song…” or “That’s a boys toy, where are the girl toys?”  Let me set the record straight by saying we own a wardrobe of princess dress up clothes, and they are housed in a box next to the matchbox cars.  We play with dolls and blocks.  We run fast, get dirty and like glitter.  We are equal opportunists when it comes to cool things.  And cool is subjective, not gender exclusive.  So these early comments were new and unexpected but harmless.  They still are.  But now, instead of looking past them, I’ve used them as a chance to explain why they don’t have to be the rule.
Now, when I hear, “that’s a boys game,” I ask, “what does that mean?”  I continue with, “I think it’s okay to like lots of things.  Next time just tell them it’s fun if everyone plays together.”  I remind my girls to include everyone — even (and especially) the kids who might not have been so nice the last time.  To play and sing and wear what is interesting.  Yes, that might be the pinkest, frilliest, princessiest thing in the store, and that’s fine.  But they love Superman and Batman and Wonder Woman and that’s pretty awesome too.  I remind them to tell others that boys and girls can do lots of things.  Lots of the same things.  If they want to.  But above all, to include and respect each of their classmates and teammates and friends.  Do I think other 4 and 5 year old are harboring ill feelings?  Of course not.  It’s hard out there for all of them when it feels like you have to fit in.  Even though I didn’t imagine it would start quite this early in life…it’s happening.  And it’s best for all of us if my daughters choose fairness, fun and kindness first — a vision shared by both MySuperFoods and Wear the Cape. I hope it helps remind me to do the same.
Katie Jesionowski is the co-founder of MySuperFoods Company.
superfoods